October 24, 2008

‘Dancing’ Pros Should Probably Shut Up

Cheryl Burke

Cheryl Burke


(AOL, LLC: Oct. 23) – ‘Dancing With the Stars’ professionals Louis van Amstel and Maksim Chmerkovskiy probably don’t have many female friends.  The pros are both speaking up about fellow dancers, Cheryl Burke and Lacey Schwimmer, who they say need to lose weight.

“If you want to gain weight, it’s your prerogative. We all put on weight because there was no summer tour. But you have to deal with the consequences,” van Amstel tells TV Guide.
“When I first saw these women this season, I said, ‘Guys, you know the camera adds 10 pounds. You have to do something about this,'” Chmerkovskiy adds.

“[People] look at this show to be inspired and think, ‘If I just work hard enough, I can look like that.’ If they watch someone who’s dancing her butt off and she’s still heavy, they can be discouraged. You have to take responsibility,” van Amstel finishes.



I mean, who are we kidding here?  I’d call them beautiful.  I’d call them talented.  I’d even call them athletic, slim, skinny, or fit.  BUT, I’D NEVER CONSIDER THEM OVER-WEIGHT.  Louie and Maksim can just “SUCK IT!”


DWTS: Season’s Half-Way Point Is Full-Blown Entertainment!

October 20, 2008

October 20th…


What a night and such a smart change in the platform of the show.  This week, they had the couples dance head-to-head on 4 new styles of dance: West Coast Swing, The Hustle, Salsa, & The Jitterbug.  Way to go, ABC!  I dug it.  The show was organized better, and the viewers could better compare one couple against the other!

Before I get into my commentary on the couples, some general observations that I wanted to share with you!

  • Len wanted to get “down and dirty” tonight?  Is Len feeling frisky?
  • Harold Wheeler and The Band were ON FIRE!  Even my kids said… who is that band?  They are so good!  They sound just like the album song!  A shout out to Harold!  Hollah!
  • I hated Samantha Harris’ “do” this week.  It looked icky.
  • Who is that hunkie guy sitting behind Bruno that we get to gaze at during Bruno’s comments? 

The “low-down” on this week’s couples:

Brooke & Derek

I’m going to get “boo’s” for my commentary on them this week.  The song they danced to was “Don’t Be Cruel” by the infamous Elvis Presley… I’m going to be cruel… I apologize… I apologize!

They had The Jitterbug and faced off against Julianne & Cody.  Derek was not familiar with this dance, so he did INTERNET RESEARCH to improve their routine!  Ahhh, the Internet!  First, in the film of their practicing, Derek is wearing a scrunchie in his hair.  E-gads!  That’s not hunkie!  But, my daughter still thinks he’s cute.  According to Derek, the Internet research claimed the dance should look like a cartoon.  I guess, that it did. 

The judges LOVED IT.  Len told Derek that he had hair “like a bird sanctuary” and that Len had the same hair as Derek in 1959.  But, his hair was amuck in the scoring section, so Cloris went and licked her hand and fixed it during judging! 

The Judges’ scores…

Carrie Ann Inaba: 10
Len Goodman: 9
Bruno Tonlioni: 10
What?  Did nobody see it when they weren’t in sync with each other?  Sigh.  Whatever.


Julianne & Cody

I loved, loved, loved their Jitterbug!  But, then, I Love Lucy! 

They did a dance in the I Love Lucy Theme that was straight on the mark!  From their looks (loved Julianne’s hair), to their costumes, to their moves… they had it down!  Cody even had his hair dark!

In the rehearsal film, Julianne nearly killed Cody with the lifts (poor Cody).  But, by showtime, he had them!  Before the performance, the film also showed Cody telling us that he was going to take Brooke down and that “America needed change”, implying he was the one to bring it!  It made me smile!

Did I say that I loved the dance?  I guess I did.

The judges seemed to really like it.  But, after they gave their scores… which should have been higher than Brooke & Derek’s… the crowd boo’d the judges!  I boo’d too!  In my never to be humble opinion, they won the Jitterbug, hands down!

The Judges’ scores…

Carrie Ann Inaba: 10
Len Goodman: 9
Bruno Tonlioni: 9
TOTAL SCORE: 28 (What?)


Cloris & Corky (aka “Clorky”)

They had the Salsa this week.  Oh, no!  More groping from Corky all over Cloris.  No more “Grabby Grabby, Corky…”  No, my wish did not come true!

I loved the rehearsal film showing Cloris with her fans.  Very cool!  She’s the hippest 82 year old I’ve ever seen.  For her to make it to the 1/2 way mark was huge!  I loved Cloris’ eyeshadow, super electric.  I also really liked Corky’s shoes… ultra cool! 

The dance was okay.  I liked it, other than Corky’s constant molestation of Cloris, including the boob grab.  Yes, the DOUBLE boob grab.  Ugh.  

Now, to the judges’ remarks.  Bruno said, “The Old Girl can still turn a trick!”  When it came to Carrie Ann’s turn, Cloris apologized to her profusely for “being born.”  Then, Cloris asks Len how old he is after he mentions to her that she is older than he is.  Len tells her he’s 64.  Cloris then proceeds to tell him that he’s a “baby.”  Len tells her that she’s “hotter than a chili pepper.”

But, the best part of all is in the Red Room.  When Samantha asks Cloris what character Corky had her portray for this dance, she can’t remember the exact name of the character… “it was the something ho.”  As she is trying to think of it, asking her co-stars, Corky is “whispering ‘sweet nothings’ into her ear,” but it looked disgusting.  ICK!  Then Cloris says, “A Skanky Ho!”  YEAH!  I love the word SKANK!  Whoo-HOOOO!  Go Cloris, it’s your birthday, Go Cloris, it’s ya’ birthday!

 The Judges’ scores….

Carrie Ann Inaba: 7
Len Goodman: 7
Bruno Tonlioni: 7
TOTAL SCORE: 21 (Is that enough to beat Susan?  Fingers crossed!)


Maurice & Cheryl 

The Salsa competitors!  They were great.  Of the two couples, they won the Salsa, no contest!

The costumes were frickin’ awesome.  I loved the colors!  Cheryl was really mean to Mo in the rehearsal film.  She accused him of being lazy and not caring.  I don’t know if that what spurred him onto this great performance, but her chastising helped!  They were really in-sync, and hot, hot hot!  Cheryl is not as familiar with Latin as she is ballroom, so it was a bit tough on her, too!  But, she choreographed a very classic Salsa, with all of the right ingredients!  Ole!

The dips during the spins were tremendous.  Although, I’m sure they didn’t get 1/2 the praise as the lifts of the other couples… but, they are very hard to do right.  Also, Cheryl’s head drop down to Mo’s foot and the bounce up!  TERRIFIC!  Plus, Mo was shaking his “Boo-Tay” and did a great back-bend himself!  

The judges seemed to really like it.  Carrie Ann loved it and called Mo over for a hug.  Really good comments from the judges.  P.S. Mo’s boogey’ing down the steps at the beginning made me giggle out loud.

The Judges’ scores…

Carrie Ann Inaba: 9
Len Goodman: 9
Bruno Tonlioni: 9
TOTAL SCORE: 27 (Good.)

Lance & Lacey

They got The West Coast Swing.  Now, Lacey’s entire family are swing dancers and she’s a national W.C.S. champion.  So, we expected a lot.

Some background that I’d like to share.  As I’ve mentioned before, I fell in love with Lacey’s dancing on So You Think You Can Dance.  Her brother, Benji, was a winner of this show 2 seasons before.  Their parents have a dance studio and raised them in dance.  In the rehearsal film, we see Lacey’s Dad.  Boy, does Benji resemble his father.  But, then the sappy part of the film… Lance goes on and on about how he was almost kicked out of In-Sync when it was being signed/developed because he was the worst dancer.  BooHooHoo, you rich boy!  Kinda made me gag.  Life could be a whole lot harder!  I saw you and Kathy Griffin in Australia!  You are so not hurting for anything!  Plus, you get hotter guys than me.

Moving onto the dance.  Lacey out danced him.  And, boy, did she get her hand slapped for it.  In addition, Lance fell on the slide.  But, Lacey looked super hot in her outfit and I really liked her hair. 

Lacey got a tounge lashing from the judges for not dancing more with her partner…. more like she was dancing around him.  Also, they said that it was “Dancing With the Stars, not Dancing Around the Stars.”  Oh, no, Lacey!  Bad Bad.  But, she think Len has it out for her anyway and keeps making comments about being the new girl.  Lacey… buck up!  Go get them next week!  Len even said that Lacey was “too much of a showboat!”  Atleast Lance danced better than Susan!

The Judges’ scores…

Carrie Ann Inaba: 7
Len Goodman: 7
Bruno Tonlioni: 7
TOTAL SCORE: 21 (Are you kidding me?  The same score as Cloris?  Highway Robbery!)


Toni & Alec

The West Coast Swing Opponents… well, not so much swing in their step!

First off, I totally assume and hope that is a wig Toni is sporting.  Her hair is so gorgeous, it better be!  Kudos to Toni.  She is just such a smokin’ hot chick!  Her body is insane and she is so beautiful.  I want to look exactly like her in my next life… please, God, please!  I like Toni.  I like Alec.   I didn’t like their dance.  I mean, it was okay.  But, not great.  Toni’s steps were precise, but the rhythm of their dance was way too slow!  Then, Bruno hated their moonwalk in the midst of it (even though it was Michael Jackson).  Len thinks that Toni needs to re-group because she has all of the attributes of a good dancer.  See?  He thinks she has a smokin’ bod, too!

The winners for the W.C.S.:  Lacey and Lance, although the judges scores didn’t agree with me on that one!

The Judges’ scores…

Carrie Ann Inaba: 7
Len Goodman: 7
Bruno Tonlioni: 8
TOTAL SCORE: 22 (So unfair!)

Susan and Tony

My, oh my… Susan’s broken two bones.  And, yet, she rallies!  She wants to dance.  Frown.  She’s going to try to dance The Hustle.

Everybody seems to love Susan, but me.  Let’s start with what I like about Susan:  great hair this week!  The cut and funky colors made you look great!  Also, cool boots, Suz!  She looked super sexy. 

Now, for my review.  First, the rehearsal film showing pics of her at Studio 51.  NO!  God, help! 

Now for my review, ahem.  The dance.  It’s like watching this:  Susan is counting, aloud in her head, “One and Two… Three and Four”  and on every count, she bounces her steps like a manequin doll, barbie cheerleader from The Valley of the Dolls.  Then, when she gets ready for a lift (yes, she stops and gets ready for the lift)… it’s like her head is saying aloud: “O.K., you can lift me now.”  THE HORROR!

OK, now the judges… Len tells her to get her knickers off and for Tony to get her out of her glass house.  Len then goes on to say that he wants it rough.  Oh, Len… you’re so naughty!  Are we talkin’ a little black leather?  Hmmm…

The Judges’ scores…

Carrie Ann Inaba: 7
Len Goodman: 7
Bruno Tonlioni: 8
TOTAL SCORE: 22 (Are you freaking kidding me?!?  Better than Lance & Lacey?  BOOOOOOOO!!!!!)




Warren and Kym

Every week, I love them more and more!

They not only got The Hustle… they KILLED IT!  They beat the pants, and go-go boots, off of Susan and Tony!  Well, anybody could…

The goods:  Kym’s outfit was killer rad!  Super electric funky hip disco chick!  She looked spectacular.  In my life after the one that I have with Toni Braxton’s body & looks, I want Kym Johnson’s body!  Holy smokes, Batman!  And, Warren.  I JUST ABSOLUTELY ADORE WARREN!  He’s so dreamy!  Come and dance with ME, Warren!  Me!  Pick me!

Their Hustle was to Fuuunnnnnkkky Town (do do do-dodo, do, do do do!)  Won’t you take me down, to FUNKY TOWN!?!  Yes, I want to go with Warren to FUNNNNNKY Town!  He was totally AWESOME.  The breakdown:

  • The Snake
  • Saturday Night Fever’s John Travolta Finger in the Air
  • The Robot
  • Moonwalk
  • The “Giddie Up”
  • The Remarkable Lifts
  • The “S” on the back of his vest.

The judges seemed to really like it.   Bruno’s sexed up comment was, “huge climax at the end!”  (Gag, Bruno!)  It’s too bad they didn’t judge it adequately.

The Judges’ Scores…

Carrie Ann Inaba: 8 (What?)
Len Goodman: 8 (You have to be kidding me!)
Bruno Tonlioni: 9 (At least has 1/2 a brain)
TOTAL SCORE: 25 (That’s just completely ridiculous.  Want to noodle whip the judges)


So…. my favorites of the night, in order of how much I loved them:

Kym & Warren

Maurice & Cheryl

Julianne & Cody

Lance & Lacey

Brooke & Derek

Toni & Alec

Cloris & Corky

Susan & Tony (Cool Daddy of twins with super white teeth)

Here’s the ABC Video Link:

[clearspring_widget title=”Dancing With The Stars on” wid=”47df2410700a0b8c” pid=”48f43d5f4dce5a55″ width=”300″ height=”250″ domain=””]

For more commentary on this week’s DWTS, visit Apooo’s Site… she’s got tons of good conversation on everything!


Tomorrow night’s guest is The Brian Setzer Orchestra.  I saw them live and I danced the night away under the stars to his killer music!  Next week, Len is gone and we’ll have a guest judge.  Hmmm….

Saturday Night Live: Palin Rap Video

October 19, 2008


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